Sleep is the most important element of my day (more so than shagging, wanking, doing drugs, watching internet porn, or gambling).
I need my 8 hours of sleep or the rest of my 16 hours won't be quality moments.
Those people who get less than 8 hours sleep are nutters.
The best sleep involves very elaborate dreams involving me and my imaginary girlfriend -dreams of me slaying dragons, flying over cities, vanquishing evil monsters, and saving the damsel in distress.
It would be nice to have wet dreams as well, but that is a gift limited to one's youth. Ever since I turned 26 last year, I have not had any dreams resulting in nocturnal emissions. Except laway (drool) of course...
In the Royal Orange Household, we value the importance of sleep. The room, the bed, and the immediate vicinity must pass specific requirements on comfort and ambience.
In the old days, when travelling, we would book an entire floor of a hotel so that we can get a good night's sleep and avoid meeting other people. (Unlike His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem who likes to socialise, The Nashman is actually very aloof.) We didn't care if one of the rooms was already occupied by a certain celebrity or v.i.p. If it's on our floor, that v.i.p has to be transferred to another room upon our arrival posthaste. Joseph and Mary? Who they? Let them have the barn! said we, once upon a time in Bethlehem, dispatching the concierge stamping our heels and refusing to give up any of our rooms.
However, recent global events have made us (Me, HRO Karl Willem, and PA/PR Gromit) contemplate the real need for this extravagance. We are better off donating money to charity than spending it on our vain selves we thought.
Hence, we have made the supreme sacrifice of abolishing such royal privileges by sharing a room instead. We are now just as content to squeeze into a double room and The Nashman does not mind sleeping on the floor while the dawgs take the bed.
