Pink Carnations for Ashley's college eights. The college that educated Rupert Murdoch, a Japanese Prince, and a Malay Sultan has recently seen its stock plummet after accepting a certain Southern Queen named Ashley. The college has since been renamed Orcster college, because Ashley and her Russian consort made love and spawned an army of Orcs.
Last weekened I muddied my shoes and nearly re-injured my nearly healed ankle running on the slippery towpath along the River Isis shouting "Row harder bitches, row!" to James' boat team. It was his last boat race for St. Anthony's. Lourdes, the Akbayan sister, lured me with a pint of PIMMs and Anna, the Swede, sweetened the bribe with apple strudel for me to betray my own boat club by cheering for St. Anthony's.
It was a very wet afternoon, and depending on whatever rocks your boat, there were lots of beautiful and athletic beasts to ogle at. I feel very sorry not coxing for my college. Maybe next year.......
And now for another classic The Nashman Studies of Motion: How to Release an Eights Boat, With Special Participation of the Women's first division Eights team of the Vampire college Trinity.
Lift boat.......
Twist from the hip.....
Drop into the river.....(while showing off your black undies)
Check gear (it's ok to pee on the wet decking if you have to, no one will notice)
Get in and row.......
Row biatches, row......
When you are done, lift boat from river and return to boathouse.
If you win a blade, go celebrate. (And everyone loves a girl with a strong grip...)
By 5pm, I was truly wet and delightfully drunk from the PIMMs overload. The last race was equally exciting...
Divsion 1 men's race...world class racing with no less than 5 Olympic medalists rowing for their own colleges.
Cheering the last race. Princess Masako's boat team should have bumped JRR Tolkien's college but they were klaxoned. CS Lewis' college is still head of the river. As for Ashley's team, I think their boat sank under the bridge.
Races over, time to light the barbeques and mix more cocktails while avoiding being thrown into the river.
This is why the highlight of otherwise boring The Da Vinci Code movie was this:
Sir Ian McKellan as Teabing: In what year did a Harvard man outrow an Oxford man?
Mullet Tom Hanks as Langdon: Surely, such a travesty has never occurred.
Amen.