His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem admires The Nashman's handiwork.
I must be depressed or something. I've been pigging out for the last two days. Today I made salmon and mozarella salad (nevermind that they don't really match, it's what I have in the fridge) and a generous plate of angel hair with chili and tomato sauce. Thankfully there is still a bottle of vodka to dilute everything in my stomach.
Somebody stole my mountain bike. It's no longer where I parked it (or where I think I parked it.) The gears don't work anyway. Take that you no-good crook!
The scene of the crime......
I called CSI but it wasn't a sensational case enough said they. I still like the Philippine police force. No forensics involved. We Flipinoys don't need one because we have an advanced detective method called 'kutob' or 'hunch' (Ah, eh ang kutob ko ay si ano ang gumawa nito kase ano, love triangle ito.) I especially like it when the overeager crime reporters from GMA and ABS CBN trespass on the crime scene, contaminating it. Not that it matters anyway because the chief of police is busy giving an interview - in the middle of the crime scene.
Meanwhile, the UK Department of immigration has launched an extensive manhunt for me....
64 Megapixel camera! I hope this doesn't fall into the hands of Lorraine who sends her pictures via email without optimising the file size.
And here's someting for charity......
Marie Stopes International has organised a grand wank-for-charity event. This hopes to promote greater awareness of safe sex and to remove the taboos associated with self induced orgasm. Plagiarising from the website: "Participants ask friends, colleagues and loved ones to sponsor them. The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve. You can even ask sponsors to support you by making a single payment just for having the courage to come along on the day and take part." Prospective sponsors should note that the longest sustained wanking took around 8 hours! And for shy types, they have individual cubicles where you can do your thing.
Masturbate-a-thon 2006 Rules
1. No touching other participants. 2. NO FAKING ORGASMS! Do not waste our time. If you have an orgasm we are happy for you but this is not our goal. 3. No Drugs or Alcohol, and No Smoking. 4. DO NOT Exchange Sex Toys
This is a great place to meet adventurous and free-thinking individuals. However, please remember that masturbation is solo sex and although you may wish to interact with others, your advances may not be well received. Please respect everyone at the event and keep your hands to yourself. http://www.masturbate-a-thon.co.uk/
I would have joined but I'm no longer 15. I probably won't raise lots of money based on the criteria. Besides, I'm Catholic. Catholics don't masturbate, we have premarital sex instead.
In other news, next time you open that can of Maling luncheon meat and find that it 'kinda tastes different' from what you're used to........
Whoever tripped the church's internet connection is going straight to hell....
Because the Bishop needs his daily dose of teen gay porn....