I've got a laser and flesh eating pathogens should you dare venture past my door....I'm the only panget in this village!
For this Lenten season, I will try to abstain from all things negative and will focus only on the beautiful things in life.
Which means that in the morning, I will avoid looking at the mirror.
And since I want to be surrounded by nothing but beauty, I told the course coordinator that I will take only pretty pupils. Teaching is a very hard thing to do, more so if you are staring at the blank faces of fugly students.
This is why I admire my teachers in High School and College. I mean, 90% of my classmates were mingers (including me) and it's truly benevolent and kind of any one who is willing to stand in front of such fugliness for one hour, three times a week. And now you know why Socrates pioneered the tutorial system - he picked only one or two students, and chose only the good looking ones. (And after class, he shagged them silly.)
What would Oxbarrio do without our allies from Portugal? Thank you Portugal for such sweet nectar....
One thing that we won't be abstaining from anytime soon is booze. In fact, Camford is renowned for University-sponsored alcoholism. Me and the gang were DJ'ing in the college bar the other night when it occurred to us that apart from us (and the Graduate Dean, who paid for drinks), everyone else was born after the fall of the Berlin wall. To make a long frustrating story short, no one was digging my mu-sique. (Only my selection of Brandon Flowers elicited some head bobbing. I felt so old.) Then, a student came in and seriously this kid was no more than 13 years old! He has yet to grow pubes! Dang, he has yet to experience his first boner. (Well, maybe he has. The amount of 'experimentation' the undergrads do is truly scandalous. But nevertheless, they all go on to do far greater things.) We confronted the Dean who said he was probably a "kid genius". Kid geniuses are annoying. Maybe because I'm envious as I wasn't one.
Following the Dean's logic, there were, oh, 30 'kid geniuses' in the bar. There were some very beautiful girls but I held on to the Rosary in my pocket for moral and spiritual strength. (....and even if we apply Dutch laws for consent, no one wants to be the D.O.M.) We let the young ones have their ale. Better they get drunk inside college than in the mean streets of Oxbarrio. In my beloved country,they'd still be drinking Promil Infant Formula....but then again, I was only 5 when I had my first shot of brandy. Praise Baal for enlightened parents!
We have our own label ale as well! But ale is fattening and I want to keep my nubile figure so I stuck to the Vodka and Brandy. I'm starting to act my age - experienced, sophisticated........