I asked my best friend this morning for the reasons why I don't have a girlfriend/squeeze/kaholding hands habang naglalakad, enumerating some salient qualities of The Nashman:
1. Sure, I'm fugly but I can't be fuglier than some of my batchmates who are into their second marriages/affairs. How they manage to con two girls to love them, often at the same time, with their looks and personality disorder is beyond me. I have a gay friend and he's so fugly that getting oral sex from him would be no different from anal sex and yet he gets a date on Valentines! (Well, maybe 'blind' date is literally a 'blind' date.)
2. Sure, I'm poor and I don't have a job but I certainly have potential. Just a month ago, I was offered a £10,000 signing bonus. A bonus just for signing a piece of paper saying I 'might' join them in a year's time. I said no, as I can't promise that I'd work more than 35 hours a week. I value my quality of life. Less work, more time for lurv......that's got to go down well with the girls!
3. I'm funny. Maybe even funny-looking. Girls dig funny guys!
4. I've got a small Brown Asian Monkey sized wiener but I can do Arabic and Chinese calligraphy with my tongue. I can even put the umlauts with millimetre precision.
And yet, I don't have a Valentine. Sigh, I guess it's Mary Palmer and a tube of lube again this year....
We're live at the mobile sperm bank where The Nashman is helping improve the gene pool by donating pretty brown monkey genes...
Boy, The Nashman is sure taking long........you too if you're getting £45 per vial....
I'm tired of waiting and The Nashman won't let me give a helping hand...
*plagiarised from Will Ferrell and Tina Fey...