I have solved my housing requirements for next year!
I noticed that the old converted Ifugao granary behind the Philippine Embassy is under-utilised and I have expressed to the Ambassador my interest in leasing it.
The property is located in Billionaire's Row, Kensington Palace Green. Notable neighbours include the fifth richest man Lakshimi Mittal (baka pwidi pautang sa sari-sari store nya), whose house is the most expensive in England, the embassies of Russia (caviar!), Japan (sushi!), Brunei (Ruffa-type pokpoks!), India (curry!) and of course Kensington Palace is just across the street. I can have afternoon tea with Lillibeth with Lady Diana commemorative tea cups! Grabe! I everything I need is in this neighborhood!
The rice granary was built in 1920 by mumbaki Timmikpaw Bantullay in the village of Ungul in Barangay Pula. Just after world war II, it was converted into a residence and a fireplace installed. It was bought in 1995 by the British Museum funded by corporate donations from Bantullay's heir, Corazon Dulnuan. After the gatang rituals (hipngat) were performed by two mumbaki (Damiano Habawel and Carlos Dulnuan), it was carefully dismantled, shipped, and reassembled in London.
It's a fixer-upper and the thatching needs to be replaced but imagine the possibilities!
Gina has volunteered to to do the interior design and I've commissioned Ingvar Kamprad for some minimalistic pine furnishings. I can probably hack the adjacent Norwegian Ambassador's wifi because I think the Philippine Embassy still gets internet via alambre. I plan to build a dap-ay for entertaining guests, rear a couple of chickens under the house, plant sayote and herbs around such as Kapangan Sativa which I can sell in Notting Hill, and install an outdoor jacuzzi. To earn additional income, I can wear a bahag and charge £5 for every picture taken with me next to the hut. If people are willing to pay extra, I can even acquiesce to an authentic Cordillera trial marriage (a very pragmatic idea if I might add which, sadly, has been systematically erased by those evil Christian missionaries.)
It's so sexy and environmentally friendly!
I can remove the ghastly stone paving, exposing the soil for my chicken coop underneath the house for my fresh supply of pinikpikan.